First of all, my sentence structure in my essay was very choppy and direct. I spend little time on elaboration and basically just spurted out my thoughts quickly. I plan to go back add expression to my sentences to add more "showing" elements to my story.
At many parts of my essay I gave examples, or short stories, that supported the other part of my main story. I kept them very short and at some points incomplete. I plan to go back and elaborate more on these events to hopefully help translate emotions within my essay.
Lastly, I had multiple place where my grammar was incorrect or I switched tenses. These spot will cause confusion for the reader, so I will make sure to have all of them correct.
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