Research Topic

Topic

The topic I chose for my research essay, is the evolution of communication through computers. I want to explore how the computer evolved from communication such as e-mails, to telecommunication, instant messaging, and video chats across the world.

Question

Has the availability of instant communication damaged our culture's desire for face to face communication?

Rationale

This interests me because this technology has developed significantly within the last 15 years. I have found with a lot of the recent technology developments, that they take away from personal communication. I hope to research the steps that have lead us to today's new computer communication technology. I think this question is very important because I believe that the lack of human presence in communication could become a negative aspect of our society. 

Draft Revisions

My feedback from Workshop 1 was very helpful. Most of the comments I received were minor but will help me over all.

First of all, my sentence structure in my essay was very choppy and direct. I spend little time on elaboration and basically just spurted out my thoughts quickly. I plan to go back add expression to my sentences to add more "showing" elements to my story. 

At many parts of my essay I gave examples, or short stories, that supported the other part of my main story. I kept them very short and at some points incomplete. I plan to go back and elaborate more on these events to hopefully help translate emotions within my essay.

Lastly, I had multiple place where my grammar was incorrect or I switched tenses. These spot will cause confusion for the reader, so I will make sure to have all of them correct.